A Eulogy for Stuart

One of my best friends, Stuart Teng, passed away Friday, April 25, after a yearlong fight with brain cancer.

I've spent much of the last week thinking about Stuart, about his life, and about how much I valued his friendship. In remembering the man he was, a few characteristics came up again and again -- his insightfulness, generosity, contentedness, independence, and reliability.

Insightfulness 

Over the years, one thing I really grew to appreciate about Stuart was his insightfulness. While I've had the privilege of getting to know a lot of smart people over the years, I can still say that Stuart was one of the smartest.

I was fortunate to attend law school with Stuart and then work with him at both Google and at Fenwick & West. At Fenwick and Google, Stuart was usually the first person I would approach to talk over an issue, and I could rely on him to identify the important points in any situation and suggest ways to resolve them. 

Stuart had an uncanny ability to make complex issues simple. One of his many talents was taking long legal documents and making them much shorter -- a skill greatly underappreciated by the general population. Many of us lawyers often said that Stuart would be the person they'd call if they needed a business lawyer. In fact, no less than Andy Rubin, the mastermind behind the Android operating system and a man not known to be the easiest client at Google, for years trusted only Stuart for legal advice. Rumor has it that when Stuart moved on to the greener pastures of the Chrome team, the legal rep was suspiciously left off the calendar invite for meetings of Andy's inner circle.

I'll miss Stuart's business savvy. But he was also insightful when it came to personal matters. I remember many late night conversations with Stuart about life and love when he surprised me with his wit and his keen insight into human behavior. I asked him once why he didn't speak up more in social situations, since he had so much to add. His response still makes me smile. He said that, in his mind, he did speak up and participate fully in the conversation. It was only after the conversation ended that he realized that he hadn't actually opened his mouth.

An old saying tells us that still waters run deep; that was definitely true when it came to Stuart.

Generosity
Beyond his insightfulness, I remember how Stuart was always extremely generous with his time and attention. This was true whether I was getting his advice on legal matters, tax matters -- no offense to the tax lawyers in the room, but I found Stuart's tax advice to be the most relevant -- or personal matters, or if I was calling him at 10 o'clock at night to get a fourth person to play mahjong or Halo.

They say that you know who your real friends are when you need a ride to the airport. For years, Stuart was on our short list of friends who could be counted on for an airport ride. This continued to be the case even when our family got to be the size when a "simple" ride to the airport meant he had to first drive to our house, sit in a cramped seat of our minivan holding luggage surrounded by surly kids all the way to the airport, and then drive our minivan back to our house -- all before repeating the process upon our return.

Not surprisingly, Stuart always attended our kids' full month and birthday parties, even though there were more fun things for an eligible bachelor to be doing with his time. (We finally got the hint, after years of subjecting Stuart to kid party craziness.)

Many of you remember Stuart's trip to New Zealand a few years ago. He had never been to that part of the world, and he was hitting a good number of sites in a short period of time. As a result, he was traveling light; he wasn't technically backpacking it, but the mentality wasn't that dissimilar. Those of you who know Stuart well also know that he had a soft spot for stuffed animals. Many of you have seen his stuffed Alf critter; I only found out recently that he actually stole that animal from Cheryl. Anyhow, when he journeyed throughout New Zealand, Stuart made room in his limited luggage to bring back stuffed animals for our kids -- a sheep for Bethany and a kiwi bird for Jonathan. Bethany still refers to "Sheepie" as one of her favorite stuffed animals.

Contentedness
Hand in hand with Stuart's generous spirit was a sense of contentedness that he possessed. No matter the circumstances, Stuart always seemed satisfied with what he had.

At work, he never complained about his pay or position and stayed out of office politics. Thinking back to the stressful months following the dot-com bust in 2001, more than a little negativity pervaded the office. Seemingly entire classes of associates were being laid off, and it would be an understatement that morale was low. My wife Deborah has often remarked that she has never hung out with a group of more depressed people than when we got together for dinner with other associates from the law firm.

Stuart, however, never succumbed to this negativity. I asked him how he could remain so unaffected, and he told me about the summer he spent as a civil engineering intern with the Arizona Department of Transportation. His primary job was loading rocks onto some kind of sorting machine that would then vibrate, causing rocks to segregate into different groups. He noted that, compared to the summer he spent sifting rocks, he had nothing to complain about.

In his personal life, Stuart lived simply and said there was little he would change, even if he won the lottery. Even after he was diagnosed with cancer, Stuart continued to be positive and focused on making the most of the time he had left. He took a long-awaited trip to finally see Europe. He drank coke and ate a lot of fast food just because he could. In his last weeks he took pleasure in simply having Cheryl, his extended family, and his friends around. I remember one lunch when a bunch of us came by for a visit. Stuart was awake and following us with his eyes, but he didn't have the strength to really participate in the conversation, which became increasingly loud and raucous. We realized how loud it was getting and asked Erlinda, Stuart's favorite caretaker in his final months, if we were disturbing Stuart. She walked to Stuart's side and explained that Stuart was happy that we were there and enjoyed just having us present. I looked over at Stuart, and I'm pretty sure he was smiling.

Independence
Stuart always marched to the beat of his own drummer, and I appreciated his willingness and courageousness to do things his way.

I remember months in law school when Stuart decided to stop using an alarm clock and instead sleep when his body told him to. He was soon on a 25-hour-day schedule, which was fine at first, but became more out of sync with the rest of the world with each passing day. Before long, Stuart was getting up in the evening and going to bed around sunrise. But Stuart stuck with his schedule, and waited until he had gone the full cycle to rejoin the rest of us. Deb, on her visits to HLS, said Stuart always looked like he just woke up.

He showed his courage again when he left a lucrative law firm gig to open an online pet supplies company, Post Modern Pets. Having tried the entrepreneurship thing myself, I can attest to the fact that it's not easy. But Stuart showed no fear, and with the help of his sister and his head of PR, Phil Kerosene (a pseudonym Stuart used when speaking with customers and media), Stuart created a successful business.

Many people dream of reinventing themselves, but find that it's difficult to break out of their habits and assert a new identity. But Stuart did just that a handful of years ago when he underwent the transformation that created what his friends jokingly called Stuart 2.0. Stuart changed his wardrobe -- adopting the set of cool graphic tees that he became known for -- changed his accessories -- including the shocking but stylish addition of $800, orange-accented classes, and even changed his personality -- becoming more outspoken and a little edgier (albeit in a still very nice way). The fact that Stuart was able to do this in his mid-30s and pretty much on his own is a testament to his force of will and courageousness. And, to be clear, the makeover worked -- Stuart became more social and his personal life blossomed.

Reliability
But there was one characteristic of both the original Stuart and Stuart 2.0 that I found myself coming back to. More than anything else, Stuart was reliable.

Thinking back on the last two decades, Stuart was a ubiquitous presence, someone I could always count on for advice, for assistance, for friendship -- someone I could always count on to be there when it mattered.

Stuart often told the story of how he missed his original flight from LA to Atlanta to attend our wedding, so he rushed to get to Atlanta on a later flight. If you know Stuart, you probably know how he felt about public bathrooms -- that they're not the cleanest places in the world. So you can imagine his horror at having to change into his suit at the airport bathroom in order to make it to the wedding on time. He was carefully balancing on top of his shoes to avoid touching the bathroom floor, when he slipped and fell, causing him to rip his pants. He desperately drove around looking for a safety pin, and arrived just in time for post-wedding pictures. But arrive he did -- as always, Stuart made the extra effort to be there for his friends.

Conclusion
I always thought the next wedding I would attend would be Stuart's. Perhaps that fact, more than any other, makes me particularly sad today, a day after many of his family and friends gathered together to celebrate his life and mourn the reality that he's left us way too soon. But I'm glad and honored to have had him as one of my best friends. For nearly 20 years, my life was better because of Stuart's friendship.

So when I think of the legacy that Stuart leaves behind, I can't help but think about the people -- including all those who attended Stuart's funeral Saturday -- whose lives are better because of Stuart's presence. I think of the constant stream of visitors he had during his last year, and the reservoir of warmth and concern that welled up around him. And I think of a man who was smart and generous, humble and reliable; who would never say this on his own, but who made the world a better place for his being here.

There's a verse from the book of Micah that says, "He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you? But to do justice, to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God." Stuart wasn't a particularly religious person. But if this is the mark of a good person -- to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly -- I can think of few individuals who better fit that bill than Stuart.

Stuart, you will be missed.