Out of Whoppers

While traveling in Las Vegas with my wife and in-laws, my brother-in-law David and I made a lunch run to Burger King. My father and mother-in-law had asked us to bring back Whoppers for them, but David surprised me by ordering double cheeseburgers – which were on sale for $0.99 – for them instead. He explained that, on an earlier trip to Wendy’s, our father-in-law had spent a long time ordering what turned out to be a plain hamburger. David later discovered that it wasn’t that our father-in-law didn’t like cheese or particularly desired a plain hamburger, but rather that he wanted some sort of hamburger product for as little money as possible. However, by trying to figure out the best value on his own, he ended up spending $1.50 for a plain hamburger when he could have enjoyed a bacon cheeseburger for $0.99. So this time around David decided to take matters into his own hands, insisting that our parents-in-law probably wouldn’t even notice the difference.

He was almost right. Everyone was happily munching on his or her sandwich when my mother-in-law asked, “Didn’t I order a Whopper?” I nearly busted my gut when David responded, without losing a beat, “Oh yeah. They were out of Whoppers.” Our wives looked up in surprise, only to meet David’s mischievous smile. Our mother-in-law simply responded, “Oh,” and went back to eating.

The real kicker is what happened the next day, when David and I were sent to Wal-Mart for supplies. Our father-in-law asked us to bring back a bottle of Jergens lotion for extra-dry skin. We had split up the list of items, so I didn’t notice the lotion until we were standing in the check-out line. I almost died laughing when I noticed that, while David had indeed grabbed a bottle of lotion for extra-dry skin, the bottle was not a bottle of Jergens lotion. Instead, David had grabbed a bottle of Equate lotion, Wal-Mart’s generic brand!